


keep your secrets transparent enough to be missed

by TheTartWitch



Series: One-shots of AUs [14]
Category: D.Gray-man, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Allen is a little shit, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Atheist Characters, DGM guys are atheist, Eyepatch Guy is a thing, Kanda and Allen are married, Kanda is a mother hen, Lavi is a maniac, M/M, Possessive Allen (over NY), Steve was almost one of Kanda's ducklings/babies/soldiers, To the Max, asexual marriage, just like all the DGM guys, street gangs, there is talk of portals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 17:54:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8763070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTartWitch/pseuds/TheTartWitch
Summary: Allen will not allow aliens to set up shop in his New York City.Well, more aliens.





	

**Author's Note:**

> After the fight scene, I struggled. So if it looks like I struggled, it's because I STRUGGLED.  
> There you go. :)

Surprisingly, it’s been Kanda by his side all this time. After centuries of threatening and grudge matches, Yuu-chan has stuck it out and refrained from permanently maiming him or vice versa.

They like kids. Nothing illegal or sexual about it, but finding small, hungry kids is like finding a box of small, cuddly kittens. There’s just this wild, innate urge to raise them into predators.

So they form a street gang of teenagers and children with attitude in the middle of New York. You know, a casual, mid-immortality adoption. Of hundreds.

\--

They have dealings with SHIELD a lot, but who doesn’t? SHIELD is literally the biggest open secret since Lavi came out as bi ages ago. Sometimes the kids make it a game: “Bet you a dollar more people know about SHIELD than Garfield the cat!” and then they troll people about it on the streets, pretending it’s a real questionnaire and marking it down on a clipboard and everything.

So yeah, deals with SHIELD. Every time the baby agents come by with a pressed suit and a ‘better than you’ look at all Kanda’s training soldiers, he likes to polish his extensive collection of potential doomsday devices: swords, that one huge red “DON’T TOUCH” button, paperclips (because in the hands of Kanda Yuu, _anything_ can be a doomsday device if you just _believe_ ), and tiny, tiny little bottles of something orange. Allen sits cross-legged on a bunch of crates beside him, elegant black spider-leg arm tapping idly at the wood of the crates, and leans his head on Kanda’s shoulder. The agent blusters and whines and begs, all in that smarmy ‘I’m _entirely_ in control of this situation’ voice, before eventually admitting defeat by leaving to call Coulson. They have a tiny soft spot for the man, not gonna lie. He’s like Reever and Link if they were mashed into the same suit and dyed their hair brown, with just enough of Komui’s general craziness to keep from going entirely insane from the whole experience.

\--

They’re gearing up for a nice nap when Allen’s cellphone does that whole jingle-jingle-buzz-VROOM that it only does for SHIELD. He glares at it. “I’m starting to hate those sounds _individually_ ,” he says, and Kanda growls from the other side of the bed, where he’s burrowed under the covers like a grouchy worm.

“Beansprout. What did we say about the _talking in bed_?”

“Don’t unless there’s fire or akuma,” Allen replies, rolling his eyes in the way only someone who has dealt with this ‘marriage’ thing for years can and answering the phone. “Yellow.”

\--

SHIELD would like Allen and Kanda to attend a meeting about the defense of the world (like they haven’t been to one of _those_ before, guys, c’mon), but they seem to take offence when Allen shows up in his favorite pair of clown pants and Kanda in his newest ass-less chaps (he wears his skin-tight black uniform underneath it, so WIN!) for a super-duper important meeting with Eyepatch Guy, who’s like the Big Bad of SHIELD agents. He’s never really warmed up to Allen after catching him making pirate-y motions behind his back one time.

There’s a big group of people around the table, and Allen and Kanda recognize several of them: Bruce Banner, a personal friend of Johnny’s who becomes a large green wildman when emotionally disturbed; Antony Stark, an engineer and inventor who unknowingly employs Komui to blow shit up in his labs and then figure out if they still work (for earthquakes and stuff); Natasha Romanova, with whom Lenalee had once met while undercover in a place called the Red Room smuggling young girls out of the assassin program.

Allen plops his little British butt into one of the comfortable chairs and kicks his feet onto the glass surface. Kanda stalks to stand behind his chair and glare aimlessly about the room.

“So,” says Allen amiably to the gathering at large, “What is it this time? Man-eating butterflies? Escaped venomous quails? What?”

Kanda starts staring at one guy in particular, a muscular blonde whom Allen’s sure he’s seen before. Everyone else is staring at Allen with varying amounts of Raised Eyebrow.

“You’re that kid I scraped off a street in Brooklyn, Steve or something,” says Kanda, unfolding his arms and stepping closer to Blonde. “That was almost… what, eighty years ago?”

Blonde’s jaw drops, and he points at Kanda’s face. “I remember you! But… how are you still alive? You don’t even look like you’ve aged…”

“Nope!” Allen grins cheerfully and sneaks a finger through Kanda’s belt-loop to hold him in place. You’d never know it for looking at him, but Kanda has the most mothering tendencies ever. “It’s kind of our thing.”

\--

So it’s actually aliens, and Eyepatch Guy is looking suspiciously ‘I’m going to lock you in a cell for another eighty years you potential threats to international security you’ but he doesn’t have a chance because Stark is dragging them out of the building before you can say ‘I just want to run, like, _twelve_ tests, and I promise at least eight will be non-invasive’. Well, _that’s_ not happening.

They slip into a crowd of teenagers (actually undercover online spies for Angelic, Allen and Kanda’s gang. It’s almost a joke: _we’re like angels, except they don’t exist. Imagine that, atheist servants of “God”_ ) and disappear. They’ve used their patience quota for the day, thanks very much, and also they missed their nap.

\--

Aliens, huh.

Well, at least the threat isn’t even vaguely human now, right?

(Kanda throws a pillow at his head.)

\--

Allen walks right into some big meeting between them all when he uses the Ark. Kanda slouches out behind him, along with Johnny and Lavi for backup.

“Dude,” says Lavi excitedly, “it’s a pirate! I haven’t seen one of those since, what, before this country lost its shit?”

Johnny snorts when Allen says, “I know, right? It’s like a wax museum here. Look, there’s Captain America. Kanda’s totally freaking out about it.” Kanda growls but still grabs Allen’s feet when he does a handstand. “So, popsicles, what’s crackin’? No, wait, that doesn’t work does it? Crap.”

Johnny makes two robot claw-fingers click together like a creepy scientist. “I heard you’re gonna let me dissect something?”

For some reason, everyone in the room suddenly looks, like, twenty years older.

\--

Allen doesn’t play. First sign of something going down in New York, _his_ city, and he’s on top of things. Loki is located and surrounded by his lovely little spies and he walks through the glass doors of Stark’s penthouse balcony from the Ark to gracefully twirl the glowstick of doom out of Frosty the Snowman’s long blue fingers.

“Sorry, hun, not happening.” Allen snaps his fingers, summoning Tim from the Ark’s link still thrumming in the space between the doors, and lets him eat the staff.

Apparently Loki is not a fan of that.

He charges, hands coming up with light crackling between them, but it doesn’t feel the same now that the staff’s been taken: less violent and malevolent and generally bloodthirsty.

Well, Allen’s still not letting it touch him. He puts his old clown training to good use and flips away, using his hyper-flexible body to twist in ways humans nowadays can only dream about. After one particularly quick dive, he resurfaces with his sword gripped in his right hand, twirling it like a baton. Even after all this time, holding it brought back feelings of urgency, reminders of the agony he went through to claim this snapping beast as his own, as his legacy. For the first time since he and his family stepped through that wicked, angry portal and landed here, he remembers the true battlefield, where there was no truce. Either your opponent lost their life, or you did. _That_ was how wars ended.

But this is not that place.

He holds back.

\--

Kanda hisses at the screen like an angry cat. Johnny is giggling into one hand, staring up at Allen with eyes that shine with remembered vindictiveness: an echo of old times, down to the bone-marrow. Lavi is taping the whole thing on his smartphone, ready to stream it to Lenalee and Miranda when Allen won.

Around them, the humans are staring open-mouthed, in between uniforms. Captain America is watching Allen dance ( _because that’s what he’s doing, dancing_ ) with the air of someone who has met their next role model, and Eyepatch Captain looks pissed beyond all hell about it.

Allen looks like an avenging angel, slipping around the blue-eyed man without escaping the man’s space. He looks like that woman from the animated movie, _The Incredibles_ , torso twisting like he wants to jump out of it.

On one flip, he lands on Crowned Clown’s escaping tendrils and keeps going, his sword-arm slipping seamlessly between forms until he catches it in one palm as though it’s always been there.

After the strike that brings Blue-Eyes down, Allen stands over him, still and silent, chest not even heaving with exertion. He turns and salutes the camera jauntily, as though he’s known they were there the whole time, before stepping over Blue-Eyes and through the throbbing entrance to the Ark, Tim flapping in behind him.

Something hits the ground behind Kanda, and he sighs. Johnny’s giggling has stopped, and he’s glaring at something over Kanda’s shoulder. Lavi’s still laughing, but that’s only because he’s used to this. He’s probably been waiting for SHIELD to go up in flames as much as some of HYDRA’s members; it feels too much like the Order, keeping secrets from everyone.

Kanda turns around.

\--

Allen returns to a scene from his old life: Kanda, Johnny, and Lavi standing calmly in one corner, facing a sea of guns pointed directly at their bodies. Lavi’s laughing like a maniac, but that’s to be expected.

He saunters down the steps and re-hooks his sword into his shoulder. Some of the scientists around drool at his genetic make-up, and a few are begging Eyepatch Guy to let them study him after he’s dead. Morbid.

He flops into Kanda’s arms and smacks a kiss on his cheek. Fluttering his eyelashes, he asks, “Was it the sword or the breathing this time?”

There’s no need for pretences: they’ve done this before. Humans almost never react well.

Johnny cackles. “A bit of both, I think.”

Allen sighs. “Oh, well.” He taps Kanda on the shoulder, sticks his foot in Lavi’s armpit, and grabs Johnny by the lapels. “Here we go!” He snorts, and they fall through the floors of the Flying Menace and towards New York, going about its daily routine hundreds of miles below.

Allen snaps his fingers in the Lullaby, and one of the Ark’s doors opens in the space beneath their feet.

They’re good at hiding; SHIELD won’t find them until they want to be found.

(and also Tim stole the staff, so there.)

**Author's Note:**

> Questions?  
> (And yes, Kanda is such a mother hen. It's hilarious.)


End file.
